i was following the clefs
and the breaks to the
the best of my ability
so help me god
and even the common
accidentals for that matter
not to mention the microtones
and time signatures and articulation
marks
or even the ornaments or octave
signs or repetitions or codas
for fuck’s sake
but none of it worked
because even though i knew
that an ottava alta indicated
that one passage is to be played
one octave higher than the
previous passage i simply
could not convince myself
to actually do it
and so i stand before you now
a failed relic of my checkered
past replete with empty staves
and barren bar lines
because i have chosen to live
a celibate life devoid of pitch
tempo and metre
(for the time being)
in desperate attempt to rid myself
of this blackened dissonance that
that feels like some all-encompassing
form of chaotic mayhem.