Alice would often sit for hours during the long, hot and humid mid-summer days on the backstep of the home she shared with her mother in New Hartford. Her closest school friends were frequently absent from Alice’s life during summer vacation so for Alice, the school break meant spending a lot of time alone. Without the engagement of friends, Alice was largely left to her own imagination spending mornings, when it was cooler, daydreaming while sitting on the well-worn steps that led from the back porch to the yard.
Her Mother would often peak out the back door and ask, “What’s your plan for the day?”
Alice would typically respond “I ‘don’t know, nothing really.”
“Ah, the summer doldrums.” Her mom would reply as she turned and headed back to the kitchen.
Alice thought the word doldrums was funny but didn’t really know what doldrums were except to know she didn’t care for them. In partnership with the devices of her own mind, she would spend the time fantasizing about doing things that would bring her popularity and fame.
She was shy, even within her small group of friends, but she sometimes dreamed of shocking all her classmates someday by breaking into an unexpected solo during a band concert, standing defiantly and tearing into a high energy rift so loud and so energetic that her bandmates would be left stunned, in utter silence upon completing her ad hoc performance, and would then suddenly burst into a round of raucous applause. She had seen things like this happen in the movies and imagined the thrill of playing that role in real life.
Or she might imagine demonstrating a great heroic feat of strength by lifting a farm tractor off a pinned field worker or capturing a wild animal and training it to be her obedient pet, or discovering she possessed a special power that could freeze time, or one that would allow her to fly.
Today, during one of her doldrum-inspired daydreams, she was inspired to act out a fantasy by slowly and very purposefully rising from the backsteps to a standing position on the sidewalk that leads away from her home. With her eyes closed, she imagined that as she lifted her shoulders from their usual slumped position, high into an exaggerated shrug, she could feel her feet lifting off the sidewalk, the front of her feet drooping downward and her body drifting ever so slightly ahead as she rolled her shoulders forward, she imagined the toes of her rubber soled Keds scraping along the rough texture of the sidewalk. Startled by the realization that she actually was floating off the ground , she quickly dropped her shoulders and stumbled backwards a few steps as her feet unfurled back to a standing position. She stood wide eyed for a moment, shocked as she tried to understand what had just happened, did she really just defy gravity or was it just her often-overactive imagination? She smiled in amusement, giggling internally about almost having fallen backwards on the porch steps. She was still lost in wonder when she was shaken by her mother’s voice.
“Ready for a snack?” her mom said while standing behind the wooden framed screen door. She was holding a bowl of fresh blackberries Alice had picked earlier that morning from the overgrown vacant lot next door.
“I added a little sweet cream, I know you like them that way. These are such nice-looking berries, perfectly ripened”.
Alice snapped back, “Oh my, you startled me mom”.
“Oh, I’m sorry, I’ll try to approach more noisily in the future.” Her mother said laughing as the hinges on the screen door squeaked open.
She handed Alice the plastic bowl and turned quickly letting the screen door slam behind her.
“Please be careful” she said, “ I don’t need you getting hurt”.
Alice, was confused by her mother’s remark, but then too, she was often confused by her mother. She quickly returned to her seat on the steps and turned her attention to the berries and cream.
Later that evening when Alice lay on top of the thick down comforter that covered the mattress of her antique spindle bed, she couldn’t stop thinking about the feeling from earlier that day. Was it possible she did actually levitate off the ground? It seemed impossible of course, but it just felt so real that she couldn’t shake the feeling that it did happen, that she really did kind of… fly.
In the weeks that followed Alice routinely disappeared into the wooded lot located directly behind their house. The lot had never been developed and was heavily treed with a combination of maple and butternut trees as well as a heavy amount of scrub growth, sumac and of course, blackberry thickets. Narrow trails that wound through the lot had been developed by Alice and other adventurers over the years. As long as she was alone, and focused, she discovered she could do much more than just float a few inches off the ground. She was so enamored with this new skillset that she stopped questioning it and just embraced the excitement. She wanted to continue to practice so that when her friends Vicky and Christine rejoined her at the end of the summer break, she could amaze them with her newfound abilities. Finally, she would be able to be unique and outstanding , she could be famous, she thought.
The key to this non-powered human flight she discovered, was definitely in the shoulders. In fact, her shoulders had started to become sore and throb a bit at night when she was trying to get to sleep. She attributed the discomfort to the fact she was using muscles she’d never really used before, at least not to this extent. She trusted that as long as she didn’t overdo it, they would strengthen over time.
By late summer she was able to lift off relatively easily and had discovered that if she kept upward pressure in her shoulders, she could keep rising higher and higher and when she backed off just a little she could manage to balance in midair, just floating until she consciously lowered herself back to the ground. She also became very good at controlling the slow forward and backward motion by simply rotating the shoulders in the direction she wanted to go. Alice would float from tree to tree staying close enough to grab a branch if she felt unstable or was suddenly pushed by an unexpected gust of wind.
She was keenly aware that flying this way was not like the in the movies, putting your arms out in the Superman position caused a wild lack of control because the shoulders had a very limited range of motion with arms fully extended.
In time she also realized that by simply keeping her shoulders locked in a rotated forward position, her forward speed would gradually increase all by itself, like rolling downhill on a bicycle. She also discovered that if she bent her body into a semi-fetal position, it would slow her speed. She enjoyed the feeling of the air coiling against her torso when she shifted into this slow down posture.
She learned to dive quite by accident. One afternoon while she was practicing moving about midair without the security of the tree branches, she became so intensely focused that she never saw the two younger boys walking down the path beneath her. When she noticed them, she panicked. She knew it was only a matter of time before one of them looked up. She had to land quickly. Spotting a small clearing just at the edge of the lot where it borders a neighbor’s yard and hoping the neighbors were away at work, she felt her head instinctively drop in the direction of the landing spot. Without even thinking about it she zipped faster than she ever had before, she felt her stomach dropping as she shot downward like a shooting star into the clearing. She didn’t even try to stick the landing; she just balled herself up as the ground came close, she hit hard and rolled a few feet before coming to rest along a short stone wall that was part of the neighbors’ landscaping.
As summer was coming to a close Alice was pleased with the progress she had made and was growing increasingly excited about the prospect of being able to disclose her powerful secret to Vicky & Christine once they were able to reconvene their friendship.
Christine was the first to reappear. Her family were farmers, and she was obligated to spend much of her summer vacation working alongside her brothers. They operated a muck farm that consisted of former swamp land that had been drained leaving behind rich dark soil used for cultivating lettuce and onions. She was typically allowed to retire from the daily farm chores earlier in the season than her brothers were.
Although her family farm was abuzz with the activities associated with the harvest, her father always engaged a team of migrant workers to facilitate the cutting and boxing of lettuce as well as the topping and crating of onions. These were labor intensive activities that moved fast and were inherently more dangerous than the field tending work she assisted with most of the summer, so she was generally excused from her duties when it came time to harvest.
She and Alice had spoken on the phone several times but hadn’t yet had the opportunity to see each other. Christine boasted about the money she had made over the summer and was excited to share the details of her dispatching as much as she could on purchases of new school clothes and supplies. Alice told her she had some exciting news to share too but wanted to wait until they were all able to get together when Vicky returned.
The three comrades spoke occasionally as they made plans to reconnect at the onset of school classes on the Wednesday after the holiday weekend. They collaborated on the new fashion trends, what classmates they ran into over the summer break and who had gotten taller or changed their hairstyle as well as circulating reviews about their new teachers, who was mean, who was nice and who was new. Aside from a brief mention about needing to share some news with them both Alice reluctantly held her tongue about her aeronautical surprise. She wanted so badly to tell them, but she also sensed that she needed to be cautious. She instinctively knew this would be a hard pill for her friends to swallow, so she thought it was best to wait until she could ease them into the discovery through a demonstration.
Vicky’s parents were both professors at the local State college and owned a summer home on the lake an hour or so away, so Vicky would shift from her school friends to her summer friends whose families also had nearby vacation cabins.
Her parents typically designated Labor Day weekend as the official end of the summer cottage season and spent the long weekend closing up the cabin, stowing away the water toys and fishing gear and saying their goodbyes to their summer friends and neighbors at the final cook out.
The day finally arrived when the girls gathered in the recess yard on Friday after the first short week of school. As was their custom, they all walked to Alice’s house. Since she lived directly across the street from the school it was the most expedient way to kick off the weekend, and Alice’s mother would be waiting with snacks for the girls to fuel their late afternoon antics.
Her mother had a standard line up of treats the girls had become accustomed to. She would either make homemade chocolate chip cookies, hot biscuits with butter and honey, vanilla ice cream topped with maple syrup or Alice’s favorite, molasses cookies. In celebration of completion of the first week her mom had just finished sprinkling sugar granules across the top of the warm molasses cookies. The girls gathered up their allotments and were each given a tall glass of milk before they slammed through the screen door out into the back yard.
The girls enjoyed the warmth of the late summer day as they talked excitedly, seemingly all at the same time, sharing details and observations about life as a sixth grader. Alice’s mother just smiled as she listened from her place in front of the kitchen sink where she was washing the cookie sheets. Her heart was happy to have the girls back together again, but she always carried a healthy dose of Mom-Worry about them. Today she felt it more intensely than usual.
Alice was busting with anticipation and quickly suggested they all retreat to the forested lot. Neither offering nor needing a reason, her friends immediately obliged; they trotted down the slight hill to the opening in the chain link fence that allowed access to the main trail. She quickly led her Posse down the main trail then turned off into a clearing surrounded by tall trees. This was the place she had used to perfect her craft over the summer. She guided the girls over to a long ago fallen tree that offered a place to sit while she explained what she had been wanting to show them. Vicky and Christine finished the last few bites of their cookies and washed them down with what remained of their milk, setting the plastic cups aside, they listened intently while Alice explained what she had discovered about herself.
The audience sat cross legged smiling gently as if they were listening to a reading from a story book. At first, they were amused by the tale. Alice’s telling of the first time she lifted off the sidewalk evoked some soft laughter and acknowledging nods but as she continued to explain how she had spent so many hours over the summer developing the skill, she noticed the look on their faces beginning to shift.
Christine had a severe look with her mouth slightly agape. She even seemed to be trembling a bit. Vicky’s demeanor was more studious. She seemed to be quietly taking it all in and even stroked her chin once or twice as if trying to understand a deeply complex equation of events. When Alice finally paused to assess their reactions, she was met with complete silence. They think I’m nuts, that I’ve totally lost my mind, she thought.
“OK” she said finally breaking the silence. “I’m just going to show you what I’m talking about.”
She took a few steps further into the clearing, not because she required additional space but because she didn’t want her friends to reach out and grab her, potentially throwing her off balance and disrupting the performance.
“OK, here we go!” She said while holding her palms out in front of her.
For dramatic effect she placed her hands on her hips, rolled her shoulders a bit as if stretching them out then she dropped her arms slowly to her sides, took a deep breath, closed her eyes for a moment and then gradually lifted her shoulders. After what seemed an eternity, she felt her feet lifting, her toes dropping groundward and opened her eyes to see the adjacent leaves slowly pass by her as she rose up. She only let herself go a few feet then relaxed her shoulders slightly to pause in midair. She heard Christine gasp and whisper something chant-like under her breath, she could clearly see Vicky out of the corner of her eye just looking, without blinking, in silence.
Alice’s heart was racing, she had done it, finally exposed her power to the world even if, at this point, the world consisted of only her two best friends. She slowly fell back to earth and once more for dramatic effect shook her shoulders vigorously upon landing. Still, her public remained silent.
“Well? Is that awesome or what?” Alice gleefully asked.
Christine jumped up abruptly, she looked to the heavens and exclaimed, “Good lord, please save me! Please lord, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”
Then she abruptly turned, kicking over her plastic cup and ran as fast as she could back down the trail. The other girls lost sight of her just before she reached the breach in the fence, but they could hear her feet pounding hard and her rapid breathing as she bolted up the hill, she turned quickly down the block, running homeward.
Christine’s family were devout Roman Catholics, and she was no exception. Quite certain that what she had just witness was either an awful satanic trick or a ritualistic abomination of Gods work, either or both were enough to evoke such fear that the only thing she could think to do was to seek the safety and certainty that her pious household offered. She was moving so fast that she almost dislodged the hinges upon throwing her front door open. She bound up the stairs to her bedroom and secured herself there, knelt next to her bed, and began to repeat the prayer of the rosary.
Alice and Vicky turned to look at each other. “My parents told me about this stuff.” Vicky exclaimed. “They work with a researcher who has spent years debunking things like this. He took an entire year off my mom told me, a sabbatical she called it, so he could travel the world and expose people who play these awful tricks on others in order to scare them into thinking they have special powers or whatever.”
She wasn’t being condescending towards Alice, her tone was rather matter of fact like she had just seen a card trick that she had long ago learned the secret to. Vicky turned and headed toward the trail, she stopped and turned toward Alice who was just standing there in silent shock,
“You coming?” she asked.
As they walked back up the hill to Alice’s porch Vicky just kept talking about discredited phenomenon, like firewalkers from Africa and some guy in India who can pound nails through his feet and not get hurt.
“I gotta tell you though,” she said “that was pretty good, I should probably be getting home but you’ll have to tell me how you did that sometime.”
And just like that Alice’s moment was over. The phrase, you may have overplayed your hand, kept echoing through her head. She didn’t really know what it meant but she remembered hearing it somewhere and it just felt like it fit this moment. She felt both anxious and deflated, she felt like she had done something terrible and was about to get caught, like she broke the law. She had never before been so passionate about something, she had never before experienced the feeling of success, the feeling of being a winner, and now in one instance it had all been stripped away from her. She wasn’t something special, she wasn’t impressive, heck she wasn’t even interesting she thought. Geez, if you can fly and people still don’t think you’re interesting, you’re just never going to be. She mumbled to herself. She sighed deeply, turned and walked back to the lot to collect the milk cups they had left behind. She stacked the cups in one hand, looked at the log her friends had sat on and looked up into the trees, “I’m never doing that again.” She exclaimed to no one.
That evening Chrstine emerged from her room for dinner. She had calmed herself to the point that she felt like she could eat but her head was still filled with thoughts of existential dread. She was certain that what she saw that afternoon, if it was in fact real, was other godly, sacrilegious. After saying the blessing, her mother noticed she was quieter than normal and seemed to be distracted during dinner. Christine took advantage of the fact that her father and brothers were working late at the farm, as was common this time of year, and it was just her and her mother. She shared with her mother a watered-down version of what had transpired earlier with Alice and Vicky. She didn’t want to go into too much detail for fear her mother would think she willfully participated in this blasphemy. Her mother listened intently.
Upon hearing this tale of a girl who thought she could fly her mother advised “Look Chrissy, some kids, especially those who haven’t yet developed a deep and meaningful relationship with Christ, sometimes feel lost or like they aren’t getting enough attention. Sometimes kids like Alice exaggerate or tell fantastic stories to get that attention. It’s sad really because if they knew the glory of God’s word, they wouldn’t feel the need to draw attention to themselves. I know it troubles you to see a friend that way and you’re right to feel sympathy for her, it shows that you have the same light in your heart that Jesus carried when he walked among the mortals.”
She paused for a moment then reached out to brush Christine’s arm, “You know what you need to do, right?’ her mother asked.
“Pray for her,” Christine answered.
“Let’s both Pray for her.”
Later that night Christine’s Mother regaled her husband with the story while lying in bed. Her father just shook his head and said,
“It’s sad that this kind of thing happens so often in broken families, poor kid.”
“Amen to that.” Her mother said before turning out the light.
Vickie’s father peaked over the top of whatever paper or journal he was reading upon hearing Vicki’s telling of the afternoon’s events.
“So, you were unable to ascertain exactly how your friend managed to create the illusion? That’s interesting but consider this, why did she need to take you to a particular spot in the woods to perform this demonstration? Would logic not dictate that if she could indeed defy gravity, she could have displayed this skill anywhere? You see set, setting and distraction are the tools of the illusionist’s trade.” He said.
“You know, I didn’t even think of that dad, that makes sense.” Vicky answered.
Her Father chuckled “She’s a pretty clever girl though, credit where it’s due.” before returning to his papers.
Alice refuse dinner when her mother informed her it was pot roast night.
“Look, I know it’s not your favorite, but you like my pot roast, you eat it all the time.”
“I’m just not hungry Mom.” Alice asserted.
“Well, I should have paid more attention to how many cookies you and your friends grabbed this afternoon.”
Her mother decided to let Alice be alone for a bit, she knew she needed time to herself.
Alice was staring intently in her mother’s direction when she entered her bedroom as if she knew her mother was about to walk in.
”Mom, I’m sorry about dinner. I just wasn’t feeling much like eating.” Alice said before her mother could speak.
“That’s OK my love, I understand. It’s been a big week for you with school starting back up and everything. Are you doing OK? Are you happy with your new teachers?”
“Yeah, I’m OK, the Teachers seem nice so far. I think there’ll be more homework than last year but for now they’re taking it easy on us.”
“I noticed the girls took off earlier than usual”, Her mother said. You guys didn’t get in an argument, did you?”
“No, they just, I don’t know I guess they just had stuff to do.”
“What were you girls doing out in the woods?”
“Oh nothing really, we weren’t doing anything bad if that’s what you’re asking? I just took them out there to show them something I thought was cool. They just didn’t find it as interesting as I did, I guess.”
“Yeah, they never do.” Her mother said softly.
“Yeah I guess, wait what? What are you talking about Mom?”
Her mother sat down next to her on the bed and Alice pulled her legs up, wrapped her arms around her knees and sat up straight.
“I have a confession to make to you,” her mother said. “Alice, I was watching that day from the kitchen the first time you lifted yourself off the ground, going up is what I used to call it.”
“MOM, you saw me? You actually saw me do it, and you didn’t say anything?”
“ I was a little older than you when it first happened to me, or I should say when I first discovered I could Go Up. It was so long ago that I don’t really think about it often. But that morning while I was washing your blackberries I just happened to glance over at the right moment, and I saw you lift yourself. I assumed, based on the fact you almost fell on your butt, that that was the first time for you. I honestly never thought this was like a family trait. I just always assumed it was something that just happened to me. You see I was scared, like really scared when it happened to
me. So scared in fact that I gave it up quickly. I mean I did try it a few more times just to make sure I hadn’t dreamt it but it just frightened me increasingly each time I tried it, so I decided I had to give it up all together.” Her mother explained.
“Oh Mom, Oh Mom, I just can’t believe it! I’ve been thinking I was special or just some kind of freak. You mean this is hereditary or whatever? Are there other people in our family who can do it? This is unbelievable”. Alice said softly sobbing.
“I honestly don’t know” her mother claimed as she put her arm around Alice and pulled her closer.
“I’ve never heard of anyone else with the ability, but I never really told anyone about it either. Well except, I did tell my grandfather who was quite old at the time. He was pretty hard of hearing and wasn’t, you know, quite all there mentally. I said something to him about knowing how to float, or something like that. I’m not sure why I told him that now, but I do recall he turned to me with a smile and patted my head as if he approved. I figured he was just being nice, but I have often wondered if he did understand what I was saying , and if he did approve.”
“Mom this is just all so weird, I spent so much time this summer trying to figure out what this was and trying to just get better at it, and I thought it would be so cool to show Chrissy and Vicky what I could do. I really thought they would be as amazed and as excited about it as I was but I just ended up freaking them out. Chrissy ran away and Vicky honestly seemed like she could care less, like it was no big deal, I think she thought it was some kind of trick, a joke I was playing on them.”
“ I know honey, I thought the same way when it first happened to me. I showed a group of my cousins once before I gave up doing it. I was expecting a big reaction too, but they just ignored me. Sometimes, if people see something they really can’t make sense of, their brains just convince them it never really happened. My guess, the girls will ignore it too. I’d be surprised if they even mentioned it again.”
“ I’m never going to put myself in that position again. I don’t want to be special, or famous.” Alice told her. “I just feel stupid for even trying.”
“Alice my love” her mother spoke as she pulled her even closer, “You are special, very special. Just because others can’t or won’t see it doesn’t make you any less special, It’s enough that you know, that we know.”
Her mother wrapped her arms around Alice’s shoulders and hugged her, gently kissing the side of her head. Cradling Alices face in her hands she looked deep into her eye’s and Said, “You know who you are, you don’t need anyone else to tell you.” She released Alice and turned to leave, “Get some rest,” she said while closing the door behind her.
Alice, exhausted by the days activities, longed for sleep now. She stood quietly in the center of her room facing away from the foot of her spindle bed and using what little energy she had left, raised her shoulders, rolled them slowly backwards and floated effortlessly up and over the footboard and gently lowered her beleaguered body.
As she began to slip into a much-needed slumber, the words of her mother repeated in her mind, “It’s enough that we know”. Alice’s heart was warmed by the newfound camaraderie she felt with her mother. She wanting to believe now that her friends had fully rejected the belief in what they had seen so Alice could hold the secret of her ability inside, in her own heart, knowing this was her gift, and hers alone.
Although she felt physically exhausted her mind kept turning over the events of the summer. She recalled the utter excitement of discovering her talent and the freedom she felt by giving herself over to a new reality. She summoned the incredible feeling she experienced each time she lifted off the ground and was suffused with an intense sense of pride.
She was empowered knowing that what made her special was inside her, she knew her true power came from within, from what she possessed, what she was capable of discovering about herself. She also knew instinctively she’d never be the same 12-year-old who craved validation from others, She could fly, she did fly and she would fly again.