Somewhere in a room that is too cold to comfortably sit in, a 17-year-old girl is on the phone with her significant other. She is shivering but that doesn’t matter when her mind is weighed down by thoughts that are as intrusive as a fly’s buzzing.
Victoria S. was like every other teenage girl – her time was spent solving for X or endlessly scrolling through social media while she ignored the assignment that called for X’s value.
But not every teenager hears the words that her sister has said to her, “It’s just a phase, break up with her or I’m telling mom.”
Victoria S grew up in a Christian household and was aware of the hellfire that awaited her if scripture is to be believed. Spending her early years tamping down her attraction for girls had only caused her more distress than any proverbial hellfire could. It took endless self-reflection for her to be able to look at herself and accept her sexuality as part of who she is.
According to the multinational research firm, Ipsos, 17% of the Indian population identify as part of the LGBTQIA+ community. An arbitrary value like that doesn’t show us the actual magnitude of the population that identify as queer. To put it simply, that’s 170 million people. Further putting that into perspective, Russia has an estimated population of 146 million people.
With a queer populace that could rival the entire population of large countries, you would expect the LGBTQIA+ community to be viewed with less dissension from the general public, there still lies plenty of taboo around the topic of homosexuality in India however.
It was only as recent as 2018 that we witnessed the repealment of Section 377 of the IPC (Indian Penal Code) which had been used as a legal pretext to criminalise homosexuality. This was celebrated by those within the community. However, it was only a single battle won in a war that doesn’t seem to be meeting its resolution.
How is it like to be a part of the LGBTQIA+ community in the Northeast?
For Skylar L., a 22-year-old girl whose style and expression veers toward gender neutrality, it means being barraged with messages that border on the inappropriate and offensive.
“Hey, are you mentally ill?” “I know you identify as a woman but what’s in between your legs?” “Are you transgender?”
Ambiguous features and androgynous clothing illicit a visceral response from people who can’t tell what her gender is. It’s almost comical when they become enraged that they cannot immediately place her into a category that is easy for them to digest.
Discriminatory whispers, disgusted stares are what you’re met with if you dare to traverse the bridge of breaking gender norms. Skylar L, was thoughtful, “An experience where I felt I was being discriminated against was when I was searching for clothes from the men’s section, the shopkeeper did not discriminate against me, but the stares that the other customers were giving were very weird. Then I went to the woman’s section and the same thing happened and I felt so out of place.”
CRS reflects on her gender identity, “I always felt like an outsider, I was limited to only expressing myself in socially acceptable ways, I took a long time to discover who I am, I feel like gender plays a huge role in your personality, once I got to know more about my gender experience and identity, I was more confident and surer of myself.”
More often than not, it’s trivialised into being a “phase”. Not a part of their identity but a passing fad that they will “get over”.
While social media has removed boundaries, and western concepts and trends are aped by many in our part of the world, homophobia and transphobia are still rampant. Acceptance of minorities and different beliefs, even in 2022, are not ideas that we are really comfortable with.
Sinful, unnatural, wrong.
These are words that are pitted against members of the LGBTQIA+ community. JR recounts a prayer service being held in her household when her family found out she was dating a girl. “They held my hands as they prayed for me, but all I could do was cry. They begged God for forgiveness and asked Him to forgive my evil thoughts and actions.”
Transgender people lack security in most situations. One can’t even imagine the consequences of their coming out. Marginalised in society, ostracised from their family. Losing all semblance of a secure life because of who they are.
Dr. V. Chakrapani, a Chairperson of the Centre for Sexuality and Health Research and Policy, says in the issue brief under the UNDP India Report about transgender people “Some of the mental health issues reported in different community forums include depression and suicidal tendencies, possibly secondary to societal stigma, lack of social support, HIV status, and violence-related stress.”
The trauma that accompanies being queer in socially conservative towns is one that sticks with you like gum stuck to the bottom of your shoe. A dark shroud that stifles you for daring to be who you truly are.
But little pinpricks of light shine through the fabric of hatred and judgement.
While it seems almost impossible for there to exist a queer movement that can accommodate all eight states due to the language barrier that exists, independent groups exist to aid members of the community that are struggling as a direct result of their identity or sexual orientation.
In Manipur, the All Manipur Nupi Manbi Association exists for the welfare of the trans community in the state. In Assam, XUKIA is the first LGBTQIA+ support group. Within Meghalaya, a pride march was held on the 14th of September 2018 which was organised by The Shillong LGBTQ Community in collaboration with the Manbha Foundation (a non-profit organisation based in Shillong) and Shamakami (an organisation that operates in Meghalaya for awareness on the LGBTQIA+ community within the state).
Coming out in a town like Shillong with the heavy presence of religious indoctrination and the lack of active support groups isn’t always ideal. One wrong move and through the far-reaching arms of gossip, you’ve found yourself in a situation where the contents of the closet are out in the open for everyone to scrutinise. It’s scary to come out when you don’t know the reaction of the people around you and how you will be treated afterwards.
IK witnessed the way prejudice and fear can influence people, “I have a cousin who is also a part of the LGBTQ community and she had no one else to talk to but me. She came out to me and her mom found out about everything and blamed it entirely on me for influencing her making it seem as though being gay was just a phase or something that can only be influenced.”
Ella M. who had the courage to come out to her family is one of the few instances where a silver lining can be seen on the cloud of bigotry. She recounts her experience, “My Family would always enquire about my love life and I would shy away and keep quiet but this one time, my uncle asked me If I was into girls. I gave a smile and I neither said yes or no, he hugged and he told me that he would support anything and anyone I loved and my parents were there too. They smiled at me and agreed, it gave me a sense of relief in a way. I felt loved and accepted.”
The queer youth in Shillong is held tight by a vice that restricts them from being who they are but ultimately the only thing they want is to be accepted.
To unapologetically be who they are.