Yes, the brunch buffet at the Lani K’ea Hotel serves the regular breakfast offerings too – there’s an omelette station, a panoply of pastries, coffee and tea, a respectable selection of cold cereal options, etc. It also boasts a wide range of additional more opulent items. It is these offerings that show why it is rated the best brunch on the entire island (according to the Honolulu Star Advertiser). There is a decadent cornucopia of freshly cut tropical fruit – passion fruit, guava, kiwi, dragon fruit, mango, star fruit, and three types of papaya. There are coconut shavings, guava syrup, and chocolate-covered macadamia nuts for the pancakes. The breakfast smoothies are served in pineapples with pink little umbrellas and green twirly straws. There are even items that cater to the Japanese tourists that frequent the islands. Miso soup, chicken teriyaki, shrimp ramen, vegetable tempura, and jasmine rice.. Brunch at the Lani K’ea Hotel is served on an expansive patio adjacent to the main hotel lobby, which overlooks the sparkling blue ocean. The brunch patio is surrounded by palm trees, red and yellow hibiscus bushes, and two ancient-looking banyan trees. The brunch acts as the daily centerpiece for most guests’ stay.
This was certainly the case for the first two days of Derek, Vanessa, and little Charlie’s stay there. This was not true for their third day, however. Instead, they woke up early on that day and drove for an hour to meet Vanessa’s cousin and his wife at a breakfast spot in Kona. Vanessa’s cousin Steve and his wife, Jenna, were staying at the Kona Holiday Inn, which was right by Kona’s largest Walmart. It was running a special that cousin Steve had jumped on – six nights for the price of five. The couple had arrived the day before – flying from Cleveland via Denver and Los Angeles. The plan that morning was to meet for breakfast at the Kuna Kina diner, which was across the street from Kona’s Hard Rock Cafe.
Derek, Vanessa, and little Charlie pulled into the parking lot of the diner at 9am. They parked by a sign that read, “Hang Loose” and had a picture of a cartoon hand with its thumb and pinky sticking out. As he put the minivan rental into park, Derek turned to Vanessa and said, “Remember the last time we went out to eat with your cousin?” Vanessa didn’t respond and bent down to retrieve her purse. “Remember?” Derek said. “That seafood place in Fort Wayne?” Vanessa opened her car door and let out a guttural sigh. She swung her legs out of the minivan, refusing to look over at Derek. Unperturbed, he went on, “Steve insisted on putting the leftover food from all our plates into his doggy bag. And he requested extra bread just so he could also take it home.” Derek draped his arm over Vanessa’s empty seat and looked up at Vanessa as she stepped out onto the asphalt of the parking lot. Derek continued, “And there was that steak place in Sandusky. I thought he was joking about taking that uneaten piece of chocolate cake from the next table over. I can’t believe he actually did it.” Derek unbuckled and took the keys from the ignition. “But I didn’t really know cousin Steve at that time. “ Vanessa took off her sunglasses and glared at Derek through the open door.
She said, “Will you stop talking so negatively about my cousin in front of our son?” Derek glanced at Charlie in the back. He had his Spider-Man headphones on and an iPad on his lap. He appeared as if he hadn’t noticed that they’d arrived.
“Oh, he can’t even hear us,” said Derek. “Look -,” Derek wheeled his head back to address his son. “Hey Charlie – Charlie, I’ll give you five chocolate cupcakes if you say something right now.” There was silence. Charlie didn’t move. “Hey bud – respond to me right now and you can have candy for dinner.” Nothing. Charlie didn’t look up from his screen. Derek looked over at Vanessa with a smirk.
“Fuck you, Derek,” said Vanessa, crossing her arms. She started walking toward the diner.
Derek extracted Charlie out of the minivan and caught up to Vanessa at the entrance. Derek saw a sign to the right of the front door, It read, “No Smoking – Mahalo”. And under that was a smaller sign that read (in tiki-torch stick lettering): “No shirt, no shoes, no problem”. The border of this sign was a rectangle of stenciled blue, green, and red stylized hibiscus flowers. Derek noticed a skinny man in a straw fedora taking a picture of this sign with his phone. It was cousin Steve. He looked up and noticed Derek, Charlie, and Vanessa. With a big smile, he hugged each of them in turn and said, “It’s so great to see you guys. Let’s go inside. Jenna is at the table.” They got to the table and another round of hugs was exchanged with Jenna. A waiter immediately arrived at the table. Derek and Vanessa were given menus and ice waters. Charlie was given crayons, a kids menu, and a lidded plastic water cup with a straw.
Vanessa took off her sunglasses and smiled at Jenna and Steve. “It’s so great to see you guys,”she said. “How was your flight?” Steve and Jenna looked at each other. Jenna crossed her arms and rolled her eyes. Steve emitted a staccato fake laugh that sounded like an un-oiled machine gun.
“Fine, it was fine,” said Steve. “We’re just happy to finally be here.” He had picked up his fork and started to fiddle with it.
Vanessa went on, “And your hotel? How is it.”
Steve started to respond, “It’s – “
Abruptly, Jenna pushed away from the table and stood up. Scowling at Steve, she said, “Excuse me. I have to go to the restroom.” Steve reddened and stood up to let her out.
After she had gone, he said, “I’m sorry about that. Jenna and I are in a fight.”
“Oh, don’t worry,” said Vanessa. “Don’t worry about it at all. We totally understand. Right, Derek?” Vanessa turned her bulging eyes toward Derek. She kicked his shin under the table.
Derek straightened and cleared his throat. He said, “Yes, absolutely yes.” There was a pause as Vanessa looked from her husband to Steve.
She said, “I like your shirt, Steve. Now that’s the classic Mickey Mouse I know and love. You and Jenna just went to Disney World, right?” Jenna and Steve loved Disney. They had been married two years earlier at Disney’s Hilton Head resort in South Carolina. They had been married by Mickey himself. And Snow White, Jasmine, and Cinderella were in attendance.
After a few minutes, Jenna came back from the restroom. On learning that the topic of conversation was Disney-related, Jenna was visibly excited. She immediately cut in, “Our trip to Disney World was amazing!” She listed all the characters they had met and pulled out her phone to show Derek and Vanessa photos from the trip. She said that this time around, her favorite ride had been Pirates of the Caribbean. She asked whether Derek and Vanessa knew that Disney had put in an additional scene at the end of the ride. They didn’t. Jenna went on. She and Steve had decided not do Space Mountain or the Matterhorn this time around. Instead, they had chosen to focus on the smaller rides. Jenna flipped her hair back and authoritatively reported that there had been practically no line for the tea cups. Derek and Vanessa smiled and nodded. Then, Jenna opined about the pros and cons of purchasing the Flash-Pass. She continued. The Monorail and staying on resort had been convenient and was definitely worth the money. She then leaned in and whispered, “Did you hear about what happened with the Dapper Dans?” Vanessa and Derek shook their heads. But before Jenna could continue, the waiter came to take their order. Vanessa ordered Charlie the silver dollar pancakes with passion fruit syrup, Derek had the hula French Toast and Vanessa ordered the avocado and pua omelette. When it was Steve’s turn to order, he said, “I’m not going to get anything.”
“Are you sure? Coffee or orange juice, maybe?”
“No thank you,” said Steve. “I don’t want to order anything.” The waiter’s eyes seemed to widen slightly, but didn’t look up from his pad. He turned to look at Jenna.
“For you, ma’am?”
She gave her menu him and said, “Nothing for me, either. I’m just going to have water.” The waiter nodded and left their table. Steve took a sip of water and knotted his hands on in front of him on the table. There was a silence. Vanessa put a hand on the back of her neck. She opened her mouth, then closed it. She adjusted Charlie’s shirt. Derek cleared his throat.
“We’re not hungry,” Steve said. “We already ate. We had the continental breakfast at our hotel,” he said. “It came complimentary with the room.”
Derek flashed a look of confusion at Vanessa. He started coloring the sun on Charlie’s menu.
Charlie piped up, “Stop Daddy – you’re ruining it! Only Mommy can help me color.” Derek sighed. When their huge plates of food came, Derek tried to give some to Steve and Jenna. He was waved off. “We’re fine with water,” insisted Steve. The highlight of the meal was Charlie spilling his water all over his pancakes and getting a fresh plate of food from the kitchen. Before the check came, Vanessa invited Steve and Jenna to come up to the Lani K’ea Hotel for dinner that night. Steve and Jenna happily agreed. “I’ve heard that the Lani K’ea hotel has beautiful grounds,” said Steve. “I’m excited to see your room, too.” After the check was paid, Derek, Vanessa, and Charlie drove Steve and Jenna to the downtown Kona mall. They then turned the car north for the hour ride back to their hotel.
When they had passed the airport, Derek said, “I can’t believe Steve and Jenna didn’t order anything. Why didn’t they? I thought that was a planned meal. Didn’t we drive down to Kona specifically to have breakfast with them.”
“We did,” said Vanessa. “When they didn’t order anything, I was as surprised as you were.”
“And I was a bit surprised you invited them to the restaurant at the hotel for dinner tonight,” said Derek.
“Yes, of course I did,” said Vanessa. “We need to take advantage of the fact that we’re in Hawaii together at the same time.”
“Well, hopefully they’ll decide to order something.” Derek adjusted his grip on the steering wheel and kept his eyes on the road.
After a day of sun, sand, and swimming, it was time to shower, apply aloe vera, and get ready for dinner. The restaurant at the Lani K’ea Hotel was on a stoned outdoor patio right in front of the beach and next to the spa. Vanessa and Derek arrived early. She ordered a glass of wine and he ordered vodka on the rocks. They had left little Charlie in the hotel room with a hotel-recommended babysitter. They had ordered him the ‘kid’s night in’ special, which included room service (mac’n’cheese, a soda, and an ice cream sundae) and a pay-per-view movie that was ‘still in theaters’.
Vanessa had made the dinner reservation to correspond with the sunset. Derek ordered his second drink as a tanned shirtless young man in a traditional Hawaiian loin cloth sounded a pink conch shell. Then, he and several other similarly-clad men, began lighting tiki torches around the hotel grounds. Steve arrived fifteen minutes late and alone. Jenna was not with him. He sat down at the table, put his head in his hands, and started crying. Vanessa leaned in, wrinkling her nose and forehead in concern. She said, “Oh my goodness – Steve, what’s the matter? Where’s Jenna?” It took a while for Steve to compose himself enough to respond.
Between gasps for air, he said, “She, um. . . . She threw me out. I can’t believe it. It started small, with something stupid. We forgot the sunscreen, or something and she got angry. That’s what started it. Then, we were talking about how expensive this trip is. And soon it was all about our finances.” Steve wiped his face with the cloth napkin next to his plate. “I think she’s still mad about that used snow mobile I bought a few years back.” He put his face in his hands again. “But it doesn’t really matter now. I think we’re done for good this time.” He started weeping, “She used the D word.” Vanessa stood up and came over to Steve. She squeezed his shoulders and leaned down to give him a behind-the-back embrace. Derek took a sip of his vodka and straightened up in his chair.
He said, “That’s horrible, Steve. I’m so sorry. So she threw you out of the hotel room?”
Steve sniffled and grabbed a menu. “Yes – she was yelling and then she was dumping the clothes from my suitcase out into the hallway. And I -“ Steve stopped talking because the waiter had come to the table.
The waiter said to Steve, “Welcome, sir. Can I get you anything to drink?” Steve looked up at Vanessa who was still embracing him in his chair from behind.
“You’re charging this to the room, right?”
Vanessa nodded and said, “Yes, of course. Order whatever you like.” Steve ordered a banana daiquiri and shrimp cocktail for the table. Derek downed the remaining liquid in his glass and ordered his third drink of the night. When the rest of Steve’s story was out and he was on his second banana daiquiri, he seemed to be feeling somewhat better. They talked about snorkeling and the best beaches on the island. The talked about Steve’s job and the upcoming board game convention he was planning to attend in Boise. However, a text message halfway through the entree sent him back into tears.
“It’s from Jenna,” he said. “She told me to find somewhere else to sleep tonight. And that she’s through with me for good.” A high-pitched sob escaped Steve’s mouth. Several people from surrounding tables turned to look. “She changed her flight; she’s leaving tomorrow,” he continued, gasping for air. He squeezed his closed eyes and started to cry. Vanessa got up and returned to the behind-the-chair embrace. Derek took a bite of steak covered in mash potatoes and put his fork down. When Steve’s crying had subsided, Vanessa returned to her seat. “What am I going to do?” Steve lamented. “I have no place to stay. What am I going to do?”
“You can stay here,” said Vanessa. “I’m sure they have vacant rooms.” Steve’s tears turned into weak laughter, before quickly reverting back into sobs.
“I can’t afford a place like this. Maybe the Holiday Inn back in Kona has available rooms.”
“Absolutely not,” said Vanessa. “There’s no way we’re having you drive back an hour in the dark in your state. No way – you’re family. You can stay in our room tonight.” There was a pause. Both Steve and Vanessa looked at Derek. Vanessa put her hand on Derek’s thigh. She said, “Right, honey?” There was another pause as Derek took a long sip of his drink. The waiter returned with dessert menus. Steve took one and the other two were left on the table in front of Vanessa.
When the waiter had left, Derek said, “Well, let’s think, here. That can’t be the only option. Hmm . . . now let me see.”
“Dear,” said Vanessa. “It’s only one night. I’m sure it’s easy to request a rollaway bed for the night. Tomorrow morning Steve can drive back to Kona to his room at the Holiday Inn.” She looked at Steve, “You said Jenna is flying out tomorrow, right?”
Suddenly, Derek brightened and said, “Charlie! What about the crib we’ve set up for Charlie? There’s no room for a rollaway.” Derek turned toward Steve. “I’m sorry, Steve. There’s just no room. We’ve got the crib set up right between our bed and the window. There’s no place for a rollaway.”
“Oh, that’s right, Charlie,” said Steve, his features dimming. “I forgot about him.” Steve readjusted the napkin in his lap and started to whimper. His eyes scrunched shut and periodic spasms of grief shot across his face . “That solution was too good and too easy to be true.” Vanessa was again standing over him, ready for another reverse embrace.
She said, “Don’t worry, Steve. We can make it work. It’s like a puzzle. Now, hold on for a second.” She put her finger to her lips in thought. Steve stopped whimpering and looked up at her. After about thirty seconds of silence, she said, “I’ve got it! We’ll just move Charlie’s crib to the bathroom. That way there will be space in our room for you to sleep.”
“The bathroom?” Steve and Derek said in unison.
“Yes, the bathroom,” Vanessa said. “It should be no problem. I read about doing this on a great parenting blog. It’s a really smart vacation-hack if you think about it. Charlie won’t even know the difference.”
Later that night, a rollaway bed was placed snuggly under the window in their hotel room. Vanessa was in the bathroom reading Charlie his bedtime stories, Derek was looking through his suitcase for his snorkeling mask, and Steve was channel surfing, TV remote in hand. “There’s nothing on,” Steve complained, re-crossing his legs propped on the bed. Derek didn’t look up. There was a knock at the door. Derek stood up to answer it. A hotel staff member said, “Your drinks, sir.”
The staff member stepped into the room, and Steve said, “Oh, yeah, our nightcaps are here.”
“Our what?” said Derek.
“Our drinks,” said Steve. “When I asked Vanessa, she said that she didn’t want anything, but that you would probably want a vodka on the rocks. See?” He pointed at the dresser top where the waiter had placed the drinks. “I charged it to the room.” One of the drinks was a tumbler of ice and vodka. The other was a pineapple, with a straw, umbrella, and whipped cream on top. The staff member was standing by the door, expectantly waiting for a tip. Derek turned to Steve.
Steve had grabbed the pineapple and was drinking from the straw. “Oh, shucks,” he said under his breath, He half-heartedly started patting his pockets and said, “I don’t think I have any cash on me.” Derek pulled his wallet out of his back pocket and handed the staff member a five dollar bill.
After lights out, Charlie stayed up late into the night crying. Every time Vanessa went into the bathroom and successfully cooed him to silence, he would start up again as soon as she closed the bathroom door. Derek noticed that Steve slept soundly through the raucous. He had picked up ear plugs from the hotel staff. He had commented that he couldn’t sleep without them. Several minutes after Charlie finally went quiet, Derek realized he had to pee. With slow intentional movements, he got out of bed and slid on his slippers. He was not going to risk awakening Charlie by trying to use their bathroom. Instead, he left the room and went to the lobby to use the restroom. Unsurprisingly, there was no one there. Not even at the front desk. After Derek’s bladder was relieved, he returned down the hallway to the door to their room. He checked his pockets and realized he had forgotten to grab a room key. He sighed and walked back to the front desk. The hotel was minimally staffed at night and Derek had a hard time convincing the overweight teenager at the front desk that he was who he said he was and that he just wanted help getting back into his room. After consulting the manager on duty and several calls to the mainland, the hotel was able to confirm Derek’s identity. It was around 4am by the time he got back into bed.
When Derek finally drifted to sleep, the sun had just started to rise. Within what seemed like five minutes, he was awakened by Steve shaking his shoulder. Derek woke with a headache from his four drinks the night before. Steve loudly whispered, “I just got a phone call from Jenna. I’m going to take it on the balcony.” Derek nodded. It was unclear why Steve felt he had to awaken Derek to tell him this. Before Derek could drift back to sleep, however, Charlie started crying. Derek felt the mattress moving – Vanessa shifted to face him.
“Can you get him, babe? I was up with him late into the night last night.” Derek rubbed his face, but said nothing. He sat up and slipped his slippers on again. He looked at the clock – 7:15am – time to start the day.
Steve stayed out on the balcony talking on the phone with Jenna for several hours. When Derek, Vanessa, and Charlie had been dressed and ready to start their day for some time, Steve came back into the room from the balcony. He was smiling like an escapee from the asylum. “Great news! Jenna and I made up.” Vanessa went to hug him. Derek forced a smile and shook his outstretched hand.
“That’s great news, Steve. I’m so happy for you two,” said Vanessa.
“Thank you. She’s driving up right now – we both want to try that famous Lani K’ea brunch you’ve been talking about.”
“It really is fantastic,” said Vanessa.
“And the breakfast is complimentary, right?”
“Not exactly,” said Vanessa. “But we can use tomorrow’s breakfast vouchers.” Derek started to say something, but stopped. “Let’s wait for Jenna in the lobby,” said Vanessa. “There’s a beautiful view of the ocean and they have a sculpture of a giant manta ray that Charlie likes to climb on.
“Perfect,” said Steve. “Jenna’s bringing her suit because I told her about the waterfall pool here.”