Bruised Ribs

Do you remember 
the time 
we grabbed dinner
when I
had the flu
but didn’t know it? 

I could barely 
stomach 
their Famous Burger 
because 
my body was rejecting
everything

Yet 
I kept forcing 
small bites 
every 
few 
seconds, 
knowing you’d make
a comment 
otherwise 

In many ways,
I never understood 
whether 
your words were 
out of concern 
or criticism, 
maybe a bit of both? 

I was 
instead, 
trying to understand 
this newfound 
hesitation, 
and if it was 
actually 
fear, 
holding you better 
than I could 

You should know,
I have never defined 
you 
by your studies, 
as it is one of those 
mind fucks 
that never clicked

But, some of us are 
beholden to our parent’s 
hopes and dreams 
and 
that night, 
you told me about the time 
your father called you Stupid, 
and said if you didn’t 
Clean Up Your Act 
you would spend 
the Rest of Your Life 
flipping burgers

You paused
momentarily, 
before saying 
it was 
Well-Intentioned

I know every parent has 
their own method 
of madness, 
but I don’t consider 
good intentions 
a nuisance around 
one’s neck, 
and if I hadn’t been 
half-dead 
from illness, 
I would’ve taken 
your sweet hands
to remind you 

Because now 
and for 
the Rest of Your Life, 
you are enslaved
to prove something 
that should 
never 
have to be 
earned. 

When my friends 
asked 
how you were doing, 
I said
“he’s out there saving lives 
because 
we do for others what 
we cannot afford ourselves” 
 
And so, 
when you speak of 
the masochism, 
the exhaustion, 
the commitment, 
the seclusion,
as you will
to my replacement
I hope you recall, 
in the face of 
your strenuous nature, 
my blind loyalty

Even when it drained 
you 
to the point of 
hollowness, 
even when it put 
Everything into Question,
I was rooting 
for you 
and us, 
in spite

You were to me 
like an organ, 
a limb, 
a tendon
and now my body 
must remember 
what it has 
lost 

All those 
slow 
and 
lazy mornings
as you described them 
that Thursday evening 
in March, 
outside that godforsaken 
restaurant 

Where you never 
kissed me 
and I never had to 
ask Why 
again.