i have spent my whole life hoping
that i would awake one morning,
able to see Him
in the light cascading off our tangerine candlesticks,
the freckles peppering his golden cheeks
after a day in the sunshine,
or the softening of my once-sharp waist
once i became a woman.
God knows i have tried to live a little
i have stood before the ark of His Torah,
emanating pomegranate,
brown sugar and soul
and found no part of Him.
i have witnessed birth and death, yet
still, i could not even cry.
the space between my fingertips
and the Sertraline bottle
still feels so vast
i am living in the divide.
in the thin strip of tempered titanium
i held so close to my heart
i have spoken with Eve,
watched the agony pour from her fruit stained lips—
and finally understood
why we share the same name.