For Charlie

Nobody wants to die in a hospital
But most of us will
I always thought you would die
In a police shootout
In a government facility
In a spaceship
In a high speed pursuit
In a narrowing alleyway
The perfect hit, swaddling you into a warm oblivion

Were you scared?
Did it hurt?

I was there just in time 
To say goodbye to an empty shell
Your stubborn brainstem
Keeping your body alive

I played Got Your Money by Ol Dirty Bastard
A song that always makes me think of you
Loudly in the hospital room
You seemed to smile, you looked like you were laughing
And even though i knew you weren’t in there
It was nice to see you smile

Upon news of your death
I forgive you
I regret not reaching out
I wonder if I left you behind
Or if it just feels that way
Obituaries are hack
Funerals are hack
I’m really sorry, I guess neither of us was the greatest friend
But now you’re dead
And I think of things that would make you laugh
And I think of heroin
Which we loved to do together
My heart swells with love and guilt
Goodbye, my friend.