my student wears a beige Carhartt beanie that
for a very brief moment, I contemplate stealing.
intrusive thoughts these days apparently include gender envy
for confident gay 18-year-olds.
i woke up today to the slightest whiff off nutmeg and cinnamon,
apply pie leftover from Thanksgiving—
who was i to stop myself from taking out the tub of ice cream:
Tillamook Coffee Almond Crunch, otherwise known as
my lactose intolerant body will really suffer at work today.
“just let me know if you’re burned out and
we can watch a movie,” i tell a room full of 19 college freshmen
before I can stop myself. What I don’t tell them is
I did not want to get out of bed this morning. I’m still
trying to remember what happened when I drank two
sweet tea vodkas too many on Thursday night. I spilled my guts out
in the metaphorical way. When everyone expelling my physical guts, I was actually
Sobbing into the toilet seat. Letting my big mouth win, I got a broken heart in return.
My inbox lights up with an offer to teach “Diversity & Social Justice’ in the spring,
I wonder if the dean went down a list and said, “this one seems diverse.” And is that
all it takes? The brownness of my name? What about
an actual background check? I could be a horrible racist, homophobic, ableist person.
What does “Diversity & Social Justice” mean anyway—can you really
capture centuries of oppression in a seventeen-week semester?Oh the course where they teach you not to be racist? I took it last fall, says the one Black girl in my class.