Mother!
What do you dream about when the sky goes dark?
Do you dream of larks delivering better versions of me?
Do you have nightmares about the deep blue sea?
Mother!
You are the superior ghost.
Not one of staircases & hallways
But one that haunts me always!
In
My
Head
&
In
My
Heart.
Mother!
I must tell what I see, when I roll up like a bean & dream.
I dream of the stars going out,
Falling into my hands like diamonds.
I dream of the end of all things –
The seams on my pale body ripping into a million little pieces for the world to see.
I feel haunted by the dead women on my family tree,
Their roots burrowed so far down my throat –
Gone too soon I am not allowed to choke.
They flourish twice a year, birthdays & death days –
Flowers picked from the garden & placed in vases.
It’s all so morbid,
There is no forward in the foliage.
I wish there were more photographs, more stories –
We are so poor at nostalgic lament.
I love to wear lockets to feel close to you,
I love to wear turtlenecks to feel close to you
I bathe in the blue to feel close to you
I suck up the blackness to feel close to you.
Back in a Swedish apartment, the bathtub is filled to the brim.
Broken glass is the last thing.