Ricky sat with his knees in his chest under the large wooden desk. The classroom was empty and dark except for the flashlight beam that was scanning the room. He tried to stifle his rapid breathing, but his nerves were getting the better of him. Footsteps shuffle across the carpet towards his hiding spot. He gritted his teeth and prayed that he would not be found. The footsteps stopped just inches away, only the modesty panel separating them. He covered his mouth with his hand, he knew this wouldn’t do much to help him hold his breath, but he felt it was better than nothing. Invisible needles began to prick at his face the longer he held his breath. His ribcage seemed to condense, squeezing his lungs into deflated balloons. Ricky’s vision began to blur, and he could feel his face changing color. Just as Ricky was about to give up, he heard the footsteps slowly shuffle away and the beam turn away from the whiteboard. He held his breath for a few more brutal seconds until he heard the door open and close. Out of his mouth came the most satisfying exhale ever and his body slowly returned to normal. Just as he was about to crawl out from under the desk a powerful scream rang out and stabbed his eardrums. The noise was so loud and unexpected that Ricky flinched and slammed his head against the desk. A resounding thump echoed in the metal of the desk and boisterous laughter by the door soon followed.
“Fuck you!” Ricky yelled.
Ricky crawled out to see that Miranda was having trouble standing up from laughing so hard. Ricky rubbed the back of his head and waited for Miranda to overcome her fit of laughter.
“Fuck me? No fuck you, you cheated!” Miranda said still fighting her giggles.
“How did I cheat?”
“We agreed that we wouldn’t unlock rooms to hide in, now pay up!” Miranda reached out her hand.
Ricky sighed and handed over 20 dollars. Miranda smiled replied with a proud “thank you very much!” before taking her time to individually count the two ten-dollar bills and double checking to make sure it was all there. Ricky rolled his eyes at her showmanship. Miranda finally put the cash away and gave Ricky a sly look.
“Can I just show you something real quick?” Miranda asked.
“Uhm ok.” Ricky was anxious to find out what she was going to do.
Ricky watched as Miranda walked over to the teacher’s desk and she hid under it just like Ricky did.
“See?” Miranda called out.
There in the gap between the modesty pane and the floor, Ricky could see clear as day even in the dark classroom, the side of Miranda’s butt and her shoes. Miranda’s laughter slowly crept back and echoed under the desk. Ricky’s face flushed, not because of embarrassment over his dumb mistake but the fact that he was looking directly at Miranda’s butt. Miranda once again reeled her giggles back in and groaned at moving back out from under the desk.
“Care to give me a hand?” Miranda asked.
Ricky speed walked across the carpet to behind the desk and found Miranda smiling up at him with her hand out. Ricky grabbed her hand to pull her up. Her hand was coarser than he expected but the lump in his throat was still there. They stood face to face for a moment and Ricky’s train of thought drifted to how much better she looked in the security uniform than he did. The black cargo pants and the two-tone black and tan shirt just fit her so nicely, unlike his baggy uniform that made him look like a bag of bones. Even the stupid hat couldn’t hide her smooth black hair as it flowed out of the hat nicely in a ponytail. Her honey brown eyes over scattered freckles were the coup de grace that decided his heart’s obsession. Ricky realized all too late that he had been staring and Miranda seemed to on the verge of calling out the awkwardness.
“Is everything alright? I thought I heard a noise.” A voice called out from their walkie talkies.
Ricky would have let out a sigh of relief if he wasn’t still standing directly in front of Miranda. The thought of getting Tic Tac’s popped into his head.
“Yes. Ronald everything is fine nothing to report.” Miranda replied not bothering to hide her annoyance.
“Did you guys find any pranksters?”
“Nope. Nothing going on.” Ricky responded.
“Watch the attitude, Ricky.”
Ricky scrunched his face in confusion since he put very little attitude in his response this time. Miranda picked up on this and playfully booped his nose as punishment.
“If I find out you’re fucking around again you’ll be working the cemetery contract come winter.”
“And then I’ll quit you fucking dork” Ricky replied without pressing the talk button.
Miranda was momentarily shocked at Ricky’s crass humor and turned around to deal with another laughing fit. A satisfied smile crept onto Ricky’s face.
“Do you copy?!”
Ricky stiffened his posture and stood at attention. His stance was too much for Miranda and she had to leave the room.
“Sir. Yes sir. North Sentry Security Company’s finest is on the watch! No senior pranks will take place tonight or any other night sir!”
“Just get back to work. You are an adult so act like it. Brett and Cameron need help with a gate by the football field so I’m heading out there for a bit. Don’t fuck around while I’m gone.” Ricky contorted his face into a mocking expression mouthing along to Ronald’s anger.
“Hey Miranda, I think Ronald wants us to stop fucking around.”
“I don’t know that all seemed to be directed at you. I’m obviously his favorite worker.” Her giggles were gone but she was still in an amused mood.
“Yeah, I wonder why.”
“What’s that supposed to mean? Wouldn’t I be your favorite worker too?”
Ricky wasn’t sure how to respond to being put on the spot. The tone of her voice made it obvious she was just joking around but her expression told Ricky she was still expecting an answer. Ricky wanted to be witty and quick with a reply so he thought it would be a good idea to just say “No.” Miranda scrunched her face in response and Rick felt his cheeks forehead begin to burn. He ruffled his curly brown hair, unsure of what to do with his hands. If he couldn’t change his answer, he could at least change the subject immediately.
“I mean even if we are fucking around were still technically doing our job right?”
“Uhm yeah I guess that’s a good point we should just keep moving anyway that way he can see from the outside classroom lights turning on and off, plus our flashlights too.” Miranda replied.
Ricky was relieved and surprised at how smoothly he handled that awkward moment. Much better than being saved by Ronald of all people.
Ricky and Miranda walked the checkered tile floor of the empty long hallway. The echoes of their steps bounced off the lockers lining the walls. The air conditioning created a subtle hum in the ceiling, and it felt amazing in the summer nights. They walked under banner that read “Congrats Lincoln class of 2022!” The lines of red lockers were broken only by several classrooms and a glass trophy case. Occasionally there’d be locker used as canvas for asinine graffiti. The hallway was dimly lit to conserve energy. Without the loud chaos of high school students, the hallway had an off-putting vibe that Ricky had trouble describing. Since Miranda had been hired patrolling these hallways has become much more fun. Sometimes they would turn the lights completely off to create a spookier atmosphere, once Miranda had made a reference to Pandorum because of how their flashlights looked from opposite ends of the hallway but Ricky had never seen the movie. Miranda offered to watch it with him, but Ricky had yet to take her up on that offer.
“Did you go here?” Miranda asked.
“Me? No, I went to Edison.”
“Oh cool. I went to Galt.”
“Nice.” Ricky said.
“Uhm, well when did you graduate?” Miranda asked.
“Oh, I graduated in 2018 what about you?
“2019, so were probably close to the same age.”
“Yeah probably.” Ricky was unsure why Miranda was asking questions that weren’t all that interesting, but he was still enjoying them nonetheless.
“How long have you been working for Sentry?”
“About two years but this is my first stint at Lincoln, so I know about as much as you do. I guess the last company got their contract terminated last year over the failure to prevent any of those pranks.” Ricky said.
“Yeah, I was super curious about those I wanted to know if any of them happened on your shift but never mind, I heard they were legendary though.” Miranda had an excited tone.
“Which ones have you heard about?” Ricky asked.
“Uhm let’s see, I think I heard about the principal’s office getting gift wrapped, the glitter trip mines, uhm the spoon and forking of the football field I heard they were very thorough! The hidden stink bombs, the roman candle duels in the hallway too, oh and the Cheese Whiz knight too! She said as they walked past the new glass case surrounding the empty suit of armor.
“Am I missing any?” Miranda asked.
“Only my most my favorite one! I might be biased though since it was my cousin that did it.”
“Oh wow, look at you.” Miranda said in a sarcastic voice before asking what evil deed his fabled cousin committed. Perfect timing blessed Ricky as they were now in front of the trophy case, and he gestured to Miranda to stop walking for a second.
“Oh, it was hilarious he picked the lock to this case and replaced all the trophies with dildos that he painted gold. The staff didn’t notice until halfway through the day and they had to get gloves because they found out the HARD way that all the new trophies were also covered in lube.”
Miranda gasped.
“I’m a woman! This a professional working environment you can’t talk to me about dildos and lube!” Miranda yelled.
Ricky’s eyelids disappeared and the lump in his throat returned, he wanted to spew out apologies, but he could not find his voice. Miranda was still somewhat new, and Ricky must’ve misjudged her sense of humor. Miranda’s eyebrows were furrowed but after a couple moments a smile crept on her face creating a sinister expression and then she started laughing.
“God dammit that is the second time you scared the shit out of me today.”
“But seriously, that is hilarious if you have pictures, you should show me sometime. How did the staff find out? Did they notice it on their own or did someone tell the teachers? Miranda asked.
“Oh, a freshman snitched. Poor kid. When the seniors found out they duct taped him to the top of the field goal post. He was there for several hours. Apparently, he was crying in the firefighter’s arms as they carried him down.”
“Oh my god!” Miranda’s face was no longer smiling but now a face of concern.
“I’m kidding. See? how do you like it?” Ricky proudly asked.
It only took Miranda a second to snap back into smiling but this time her smile appeared a little bigger. They both gave a short laughter and resumed walking. A quiet moment hung in the air and they both looked down at the exquisite pattern of the checkered floor. As if they were in sync, they were able to pull their eyes away from the floor and look at each other. Before either of them could speak they heard something fall over in the classroom they were walking past. They both snapped their heads toward the door.
“What was that?” Miranda asked.
“I guess were supposed to find out.”
Ricky walked up to the door and unlocked it. He was about to step in first, but Miranda had cut in front of him. Ricky walked in behind her and turned on the lights. It was just an ordinary empty classroom save for one thing and Miranda was already looking at it. There was a window open, they both walked over to investigate and found that a binder near the window had been knocked to the ground. The night outside was unusually windy, and it made a whirring whistly sound that resounded in the classroom. Ricky and Miranda looked at each other, both visibly displeased by the noise. Ricky shut the window bringing back the off-putting silence.
“That was weird but its probably nothing, lets just back to walking around.” Ricky said.
For a moment Miranda looked outside to see if she could see anything but the light reflecting off the window was making it difficult. They both walked out through the open door and Ricky locked the door behind them.
“So, I was thinking maybe we cou-” Before Miranda could finish her sentence another noise caught their attention, this one more concerning than an open window knocking a binder over. The empty hallway created echoes from the smallest noise and in the distance the two heard a tip tip tip tip tip tip tip tip somewhere in the distance. It was dimly lit but it was still light enough to see mostly everything in the hallway. Miranda was ready to brush it off but the look on Ricky’s face told her not to. Ricky had been working here long enough to know most of the usual sounds that the building makes, and this was not one of them. It almost sounded like sharp water droplets hitting the floor except this was more deliberate. They both stood quietly, glancing at each other and focused their hearing.
tip tip tip tip tip tip tip tip
They heard it again and luckily, they both agreed on the direction that it was coming from. They walked towards the area where they last heard the noise and found themselves in front of the entrance to the gym. Ricky was supposed to keep those doors closed but it wasn’t that big of a deal to leave them open, plus he liked to lower the hoops and shoot around when Ronald was gone. He was also supposed to roll the bleachers back into their flat form, but he was always too lazy for that. They stepped in through the double doors and took out their flashlights to look around. Unlike the hallways the gymnasium was completely dark, the only light came from their flashlights and the dim light of the hallway entrances on either side. Whereas the hallways were sometimes off putting at night, the gym was downright creepy. Whenever he came in to play basketball, he would speed walk to the light switches. Ricky tried to play it cool this time and casually walked along the wall to turn on the lights while Miranda pointed her flashlight down the dark space under the bleachers. Before Ricky could reach the switches, his attention was snapped by Miranda yelling “Oh my god!”
“What? What happened?” Ricky said running over.
“I swear I saw something down there.”
“Well just let me turn on the lights first.”
tip tip tip tip tip tip tip tip
“It’s down there I’m sure of it!” Miranda said already a couple feet in.
“Miranda wait!” But before he tries again to turn the lights on Miranda walked further in.
Ricky hesitated for a moment but soon followed her into the black cave made from the underside of the bleachers. Ricky was having trouble catching up to Miranda because of the metal bars used for stability and mobility. If the noise was happening again, they wouldn’t be able to hear on account of their hustled stomps and the squeaks of their sneakers echoing throughout the court. Ricky was impressed by Miranda’s cardio as he had trouble catching his breath from high stepping over metal and trying to move at a fast pace. Miranda made it to the end of the cave and took off towards the entrance opposite the one they used. Just as Ricky made it out alive panting hard, he saw the edge of Miranda’s silhouette running through the double doors and somewhere down the hallway. Ricky wanted to yell out for her, but he could hardly breathe. He was tempted to call her on the radio, but he didn’t want to bring Ronald into this.
His breathing began to slow, and he jogged out the doors in the direction he saw Miranda leave. He called out to her but received no answer. With every yell that didn’t get acknowledged he grew more and more worried. He strained his ears hoping he would hear something; he was anxious and confused as to why he didn’t at least hear Miranda’s footsteps. After a couple of seconds of letting the quiet return, he finally heard a noise, but not the one he wanted to hear.
tip tip tip tip tip tip tip tip
The sound was closer than it had ever been and was coming from the nearby staff break room. Ricky and Miranda had been in there earlier since she wanted to see what a teacher’s lounge looked like. Ricky stepped in, too scared to turn on the lights because the tip tip noise had turned into scratching and rustling. The room was dark, but Ricky could tell there was something moving around in the corner next to some cabinets. He had to remind himself of his job and forced himself to move towards the noise, even though the hairs on the back of his neck were desperately trying to yank him in the other direction. A trash can in the corner fell over, the plastic thumping against the ground made him jump. He was losing his nerve and the reminder of his job was no longer working to bolster his courage. He wished Miranda was here to help him out or at least just knowing where she was and if she was ok would put him at ease. Thinking about Miranda strengthened his spine, and he walked forward with purpose. As he got closer, he saw that there was something very low to the ground rustling and bustling. Without thinking he lunged for it, he was ready for this ordeal to be over. He snatched up a ball of fur and held up it in the air.
“Gotcha!” Ricky yelled.
Too late did he realize what he was now holding was a racoon. He also made the realization that he did not want to be holding a racoon. The racoon also seemed to conclude that he did not want to be held. They locked eyes in a moment of surprising relatability for each other. Ricky started screaming and the racoon screeched in response. The animal started wriggling and thrashing to escape. Ricky held the racoon with outstretched arms and sprinted out into the hallway, his screams were now echoing throughout the entire school. Miranda sprinted out from the bathroom she must’ve been investigating or just using it at a very inappropriate time. Miranda was confused as to why Ricky was screaming but as he sprinted towards her, but she found out. Miranda started screaming as well before running away since Ricky was sprinting in her direction. Ricky was in a state of panic, unsure of whether to look at the raccoon or see where he was going. The sprint seemed like an eternity, but his adrenaline gave him newfound cardio to carry him to the end of the hallway. Miranda called out “Over here!” while holding the exit doors open. Ricky made his way to the doors and threw the racoon outside back into the night. The racoon flew like a hairy basketball. Ricky was fully expecting the racoon to fall on the grass and run away but something unfortunately stopped the animal from hitting the ground. Three teens wearing hoodies and backpacks were approaching the entrance at the time of the critter’s flight. The racoon landed square on the face of the teen in the middle, the racoon chittered aggressively and swarmed the senior’s face. All three teens started screaming while running away, the teen being attacked was able to throw the racoon off after scrambling a short distance. The raccoon plopped onto the lawn and went about his business, confused as to what just happened but wasn’t dwelling on it.
Miranda and Ricky stood silently with their jaws on the floor. They weren’t even ready to acknowledge each other as they were still processing what just happened. Miranda slowly turned to Ricky; her expression seemed apologetic. Ricky, feet still frozen in place, looked back at her not knowing what to say.
“I’m sorry.” Ricky blurted out. He wasn’t sure why he said but it somehow felt right, and it was just nice to break that brutal silence. Miranda seemed confused at first but eventually nodded her head. It was clear she didn’t know what to say either and she didn’t want to make him feel worse than he already did, so nodding just seemed right. Ricky began walking towards the backpack that the victim had dropped. He opened it up and found it filled to the brim with Cheese Whiz cans. Ricky couldn’t help but scoff at the sight.
“These unoriginal posers!” He said, grabbing a can to show to Miranda. The sight of the can snapped her out of her stupor and a familiar excited smile returned to her face. She ran over and grabbed the can out of Ricky’s hand. It’s almost as if she was acting on instinct when she opened the can to take a quick shot. Ricky thought it was the most attractive thing he ever saw, and he was doing a terrible job at hiding it. Miranda, no longer distracted by the cheese, noticed that Ricky was staring at her once again. She stared back at him for a moment.
“What the fuck was that screaming?!” the worst voice in the world yelled out from their walkie-talkies. Miranda and Ricky looked at each other expecting the other one to answer. Even though he was the more experienced guard he didn’t reach for his radio. Miranda raised the walkie-talkie to her mouth.
“Hello?! What the fuck is going on?! Ronald yelled.
“Uhm yeah there were three-” Miranda said but she was cut off by Ricky furiously shaking his head. Ronald would have been happy that they fended off some pranksters, but he would have not been too pleased about the method. Ricky wasn’t too worried about the would-be vandals talking. Miranda held her finger firmly on the talk button.
“Birds.”
Ricky became distraught at her choice and could not stand still. Miranda look back at him, slightly irritated that she was saving his ungrateful ass.
“Birds?!” Ronald screamed.
“Yes, there were three birds. I think they were swallows. They’re pretty loud. I used to bird watch. Have you ever been bird watching? One time I saw an owl-.”
“Alright stop it!” Ronald interrupted Miranda’s distracting ramble.
“I don’t care about birds just get back to work and stop fucking around.” Ronald commanded.
Ricky and Miranda looked at each other with slight smirks, believing that everything was going to be fine.
The rest of the night passed without any excitement, and it was now early morning. Ricky and Miranda waited out by the entrance as the early birds of the faculty began to show up. It was the last few weeks of school, and you could see it on the teacher’s faces.
“Miranda you can take off. Ricky come help inside for second.” Ronald commanded over the radio.
“Copy RONALD.” Miranda replied.
“Any plans for morning?” Miranda asked Ricky.
“After I’m done here? Probably nothing.” Ricky said.
“Why not?”
“I don’t know I just don’t know have anything planned.”
“Oh my god you are so thick headed. Give me your phone.”
Ricky handed her his unlocked phone and started typing on it. After a rapid fire of the iPhone pop sounds, she handed it back with her number and a racoon emoji after her name. Ricky had the goofiest smile looking down at it and he barely noticed Miranda walking to her car. He looked up and they waved to each other.
Ricky sat on the steps for a while, he had not forgotten about Ronald, but he wanted to stand outside for a moment. Suddenly, he heard what sounded like a crash from around the corner and he walked on to the grass to go investigate. As he rounded the corner, he could see some objects lying by a window further down the building. He walked closer and could see now that it was a step stool, and weirdly enough there were leather gloves lying next to them. Ricky was confused and looked into the classroom window. He realized that this was the classroom where they found that open window. He became anxious when he saw that the window was open yet again. Ricky burped out an “oh shit”. He heard a familiar chittering sound from creatures on the floor. There was not just one but a whole family of racoons inside scuttling about. The teacher of this classroom must have not arrived yet. The message finally hit him, and he was petrified with nothing to say. He just turned away and walked silently to his car. Hopefully the cemetery would have less racoons.