Unwanting

Filled with memories of strippers on billboards
As your parents drove you around,
The sound of your lips smacking on another
Stale yet fulfilling meal
Could hardly drown out the palpable tension
Between Mom and Dad
Whether it be from a lack of money or
Just everyday hatred for each other.
 
Leaving you with the only plausible option after eating
To be fixated on fake women existing on paper
You could only wish to touch.
 
The billboards did not want you
Everyone is full of desire but not everyone 
Wants to make you a part of that
 
As you continue to wallow in your mind,
No matter what you saw
Whether it be other children’s eyes
Gaping and hungry
 
It never mattered as
You took your loneliness 
And spilled it further into the desires of Money and Lust
With each new sensation more euphoric than the last.
 
Your cloudy recollections
Couldn’t ignore every child at the edge of that cliff
Staring into the abyss, waiting for the abyss to swallow them
Feet dangling, innumerable voices whispering
“If they can’t love me, who will love me?”
 
Who do you want to want you?
Who do you want to love you?
 
These were the questions haunting your memory
Mom? No.
Dad? No.
They were already consumed by the
Sex, drugs, lust, love and money
Forming a product of their own suffering and natural loathing
Someone they could not care for
You.
 
“How could they possibly love me?”
 
At the climax of their life
They only proved to be a reflection of their desires
That you were forced to have
But their desires did not want you.
 
Devoured and taken advantage of
Will be the memories of your life
With no more desires left
To want you back
 
The neglect and suffering
Fed to you against your own will
Must be added to the bodies making up the essence of the world.
  
Figuring out who loves them,
Who wants them,
Breeds the question
“Who can I possibly love?”
As the children with hollowed eyes and insurmountable voices stared into the depths
Unaware that their mind has been conditioned into an endless weapon.