It’s Beautiful, Isn’t It?

“It’s beautiful isn’t it? I mean just look at it! What a simple
yet so complex piece of-dare I say-art!” she says to no one,
as the light of the flames reflect back into her deep,
sapphire eyes. Her delicate but strong hands wrapped
around a mug of steaming hot cocoa with three (not four,
because four is too many), marshmallows floating lazily
around the chocolaty lake. The side of the rim which she
holds against her chest, directly above her emotionally
scarred heart is permanently stained from years of her soft,
lipstick-stained lips kissing the cup as she drained its
contents so many times; she forgot what color that part of
the mug once was. As she continued to lose herself in the
art which someone akin to God himself had laid before her,
she boarded the subway of her thoughts which continued
on its rails as she sat by her only window in her apartment
sipping her cocoa. She enjoyed being able to mentally
wander the way Dionysus once wandered in search of
nothing until he was taken by the worst of all sea creatures,
man. As her mental subway traveled along, they stopped at
platforms in her memories, and she watched as different
scenes played out as she remembered them. From
Halloween parties to first kisses to the first time she let
herself be open to another, truly herself with nothing hiding
her from them. All of a sudden, her train car stopped, and
she stepped off to see that memory she found herself in
now. As she takes another sip of cocoa, she sees trees begin
to form as the platform fades away to a grand forest as she
felt herself shrink. Her eyes tear up as the memory of what
she lost begins to sneak up on her, taking the place of the
little girl that lives in her mind, the one who does all the
wandering when she allows herself to be so calm and free.
She begins to panic as she looks around frantically, while
her physical body begins to slowly tremble. Just as she
tries to control her breathing, the monster of her mind, of
this memory attacks. The little girl tries to run from the
monster who has snuck up on her as she remembers
Halloween just before it all went down. She runs and runs
and as her thoughts race, her nose flares, taking in the scent
of her hot cocoa, which mixes with the apple cinnamon pie
that has taken up residence in her oven. Her ears pick up on
the sound of her tears, which have begun to fall into her hot
chocolate, throwing off its perfect balance of chocolate and
marshmallow. Just as her hands slowly, mechanically move
the mug to her lips, the monster finally catches the little.
Her vision is flooded with the sight of rotten leaves and
decaying pumpkins as the memory catches her, scaring her
out of her wits. Her brow scrunches up as she remembers
the moment, she knew that she had truly taken the wrong
path home. Her arms and legs aches as her flesh melts
away, leaving only a skeleton with bruised and broken
bones. It calls out, with no vocal cords, willing someone,
something to come help it up. Just as her skeletal form
accepts its fate, her angel in blue arrives, causing her flesh
to reform, and though her wounds bleed and pulse with
pain. Her mind knows nothing, but a feeling of ecstasy and
hope as she reaches out for her guardian angel. As the
image of this angel fills her mind’s eyes, she breaks the
monster's grip and sees it for what it is. A false monster
fueled by her own fears and so she uses the only weapon
she has against this monster born of trauma based in false
truths and real lies. She screams in her mind, screams the
truths of the present and the sweet lies the future holds for
her. As this battle is waged in her mind, the only thing
within the physical world that changes is the facial features
she makes as she watches the flames burn below her, never
fading. As the small, young girl defeats the creature of her
mind’s own creation, she finishes her hot cocoa, leaving the
mug to hover on the edge of her bottom lip which trembles
frantically. Her sapphire irises are now framed with pinkish
corneas, caused by her uncontrollable crying that the
memories brought upon her. Her long, silky hair, with
streaks of faded indigo dye falls around her face, framing
her beautiful makeup-streaked face. Just as her hands set
down the mug, they begin to wipe away the tears which had
fallen from her eyes, staying on her face, collecting into a
small puddle of makeup. Suddenly the flame she was
watching disappears.

She suddenly snaps back to the present, the wandering of
her thoughts abandoned as she hears her blue angel say,
“God damn, did those fucking kids start another fire in that
dumpster behind the old Applebee’s again? I swear to God,
they are gonna end up catching that building on fire.”
As the blue angel speaks, she removes the pie from the
oven, before she walks up to her bride wrapped in a blanket
of woven gold and purple in front of their window which
had a perfect view of the long abandoned Applebee’s and
nothing else. She wraps her arms around her neck and leans
down kiss her wife upon her cheek stopping as she notices
her wife has been crying and so the blue angel takes the
mug from her lap, filling the vacant space with her own
form allowing the both of them to feel enveloped in a sense
of both warmth and home.

The blue angel says, “Babe, have you been crying? Shhh,
don’t answer, I’m here for you forever.”

They sit this way together as they both watch silently as
firefighters arrive to put out the fire which had been set by
the local high school seniors as an end of the year tradition
where they burned all their old homework and notes as an
almost spiritual release. Long after the firefighters had
departed, the blue angel said “It’s bedtime baby, let’s go to
bed.”

She stood up to find her wife had fallen asleep
and so she carried her to bed where they fell asleep together
intertwined.