How to Burn Bright Without Burning Out (Again)

Step one:
Wake up.
Not metaphorically. Literally.
The alarm is screaming again
like it’s auditioning for trauma.

Step two:
Don’t cry when you open your email.
They can smell that.

Step three:
Smile like your job depends on it.
(It does.)

Step four:
Drink coffee like it’s church.
Repeat the gospel of busy
until your bones believe.

Step five:
Forget what your favorite color is.
Say “blue” in meetings.
It’s safe. Professional. Non-threatening.
(Like you used to be.)

Step six:
Don’t speak too loud.
Don’t pause too long.
Don’t say “I think” unless it’s followed by
“but I’m probably wrong.”

Step seven:
Convince yourself this is what success feels like:
tight shoulders, tight smiles, tight pants.
(You haven’t exhaled in seven fiscal quarters.)

Step eight:
At lunch, scroll past women
in wide-brimmed hats and open fields
and wonder if that’s allowed.

Step nine:
Eat a granola bar at your desk.
Call it self-care.

Step ten:
Forget the sound of your own laugh.
It might be too much anyway.

Step eleven:
When someone says,
“You’re amazing, how do you do it all?”
Say “Thank you.”
Smile.
Die a little.

Step twelve:
Go home.
Collapse on a couch
you paid for in pieces.

Step thirteen:
Consider rebellion.
Google retreats in Italy.
Bookmark none.

Step fourteen:
Whisper to yourself,
“I want more.”
Scandalous. Dangerous. Alive.

Step fifteen:
Dream of burning it all down.
Not in a scary way.
Just in a finally-free way.

Step sixteen:
Start again tomorrow.
Unless—
you don’t.

Step seventeen:
Just once, don’t.
Let the email rot.
Let the silence rise.
Let your shoulders drop.
Go outside.
Forget your inbox.
Find your pulse.
Call it rebellion.
Call it a miracle.
Call it
coming back to life.